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I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 5 months now and I thought things were going well until I had a big shock last week!
I was staying over when he called downstairs asking me the time, so I picked up his phone to check, and that’s when I noticed he had a gay dating app downloaded onto his home screen. I was absolutely mortified and all kinds of thoughts ran through my head! To be honest, I was so upset that I just left without saying a word and haven’t picked up his calls since.
He has been trying to call and text me every day and seems upset, but he still doesn’t know I saw the app on his phone. Should I give him a chance or am I just setting myself up for heartache? I keep thinking maybe I should just forget about him and pretend the relationship happened.
Jen, 22, Doncaster
I think most people would be shocked, humiliated and upset to find any kind of dating app on their partner’s phone. The fact that it’s a gay app is probably even more confusing for you if you were led to believe that your partner is straight. It has probably left you with many doubts and you may be wondering if your partner prefers men.
If I were in your shoes, I would want answers. There is also a chance that your boyfriend has the app for entirely innocent reasons, as unlikely as it seems. Is it possible that his friends downloaded it for a joke? Or could there be another reason?
Has your boyfriend ever shown any signs that he is attracted to men? Does he ever flirt with members of the same sex, or act as if he is attracted to them? You could speculate all day long and wonder if his everyday exchanges with other men were laden with sexual longing. The only way you will know for sure is to be direct and ask him outright.
If you love him, then you should hear him out and see what he has to say. It could turn out to be entirely innocent. He may even have dabbled in the past and forgotten to delete the app, or he may be seeing other men. Unless you have a heart to heart with him, you will never know the answer.
I don’t think it’s healthy for you to just pretend the relationship never happened and walk away from it. You’ll always be left wondering ‘what if?’
Hear what he has to say and if you aren’t happy with the outcome, then at least you can walk away with your head held high, knowing that you did the right thing and gave the relationship a chance.
If your boyfriend has a plausible reason for the app, I would be inclined to ask to see his inbox and see if any correspondence took place. If he wishes to commit to you, he owes you complete transparency and should have nothing to hide.
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