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Dear Mistress Kaz,
I have dabbled with being submissive in the past with girlfriends, but I’m currently single and looking for a Mistress to explore my fantasies and boundaries. I have approached a couple of Mistresses online, but they have said they would need to collar and own me if they accept me for a session. I don’t really understand the terminology or what this would involve.
Can you help please as it all sounds a little intense and I’m worried I may be plunging myself into the deep end?
Jonathon, 29, Farnborough
A Mistress will often collar a slave once he has deemed himself worthy. The term literally comes from putting a collar around the neck and the slave assuming the role of the Mistresses pet or property. BDSM is a two-way street and should always be consensual. The fact that the ladies you have spoken to have insisted upon collaring and owning you in a primary conversation, and before you have even met, concerns me greatly.
Ownership is something that should only be agreed between two individuals after they have met, discussed hard limits and agreed that they want to pursue a BDSM relationship together. What you are describing, sounds to me like a hard sell and they are trying to push you into an agreement quickly before you have had a chance to discover if it is the right thing for you.
Keeping looking, do your research and hold out for the right domme who will allow you to take your time and learn the ropes before suggesting you are owned by her.
Once you are owned, many Mistresses may expect you to be loyal to only them and not see anyone else. This will limit your experience greatly if you are new to BDSM and are wanting to try a wide range of fetishes and methods of domination. This is why it’s important to only enter into an ownership agreement once you and your Mistress have built a trusting BDSM relationship and once you feel that it is the correct one for you.
I am sure you will find a Mistress that is suitable for you who will not pressure you before you are ready. Relax, understand that this is your decision too and have fun.
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