Valentines is coming


With Valentine’s Day creeping closer as we approach February, I like to think that I’m pretty well equipped to have my seasons greetings planned well in advance. Seeing as I’m a year into my relationship with my boyfriend Freddy we’re well and truly past the whole ‘should I use the word love in a card’ stage; now we’re thankfully comfortable with saying whatever we want in good humour or with downright lust without trying to decipher the codes or find hidden meanings in the early stages of dating. What we say is what we mean.

Therefore, in a discussion about Valentine’s Day approaching I asked my boyfriend if we were going to treat V-Day as hearts and flowers romance or just have a fun-filled, kinky weekend like any other day. Seeing as we’re no longer getting to know each other, nor trying to make a good first impression, there comes an incredible sense of freedom with just being able to be ourselves.

So this year we’ve chosen to enjoy some ‘kinky-fuckery’ as opposed to the whole commercial lovey-dovey thing which naturally then led me to challenging him to his best Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue valentines card inserts – AKA who can be the most crude! Our efforts are as follows…

Tracy: Roses are red, violets are blue, I can’t wait to cover your man meat in my love goo!

Tracy: Roses are red, violets are prettier, when you get home tonight `i’ll take it in the shitter!

Tracy: Roses are red, my violets are dead, fill up your balls big boy, you’re getting head!

Freddy: Roses are red, violets are blue, I can’t wait to stick it up your shitter so you can cover me in poo!

I would just like to clarify that I have never had an faeces involved during anal sex but it’s something that we both love to joke about – and makes IBS all the more entertaining. I like to think that my cheeky Valentine’s greetings have won this challenge as I merrily reeled off three little corkers in the time that it took him to think of his one.

But what our relationship and the purpose of this task signifies to us here is that with time spent together comes acceptance and confidence in us being individuals. So much stress and emphasis is put onto Valentine’s Day to prove to your partner how well you know them and what they’re worth to you by lavishing them in expensive gifts and elaborate surprises when really we should all celebrate and show our love in cute little ways on a daily basis instead.

I love it most when my boyfriend comes into the bathroom to brush his teeth as I’m sat pooping, and how he laughs whilst informing me my vegan food is hideous and then chases me around the house with his bum out trying to pin me down and sit on my face. It’s the priceless little moments of closeness you can share which nobody else can possibly do. 

So make this Valentine’s Day not about fretting over presents and prices but about showing your partner how much they mean to you, how you couldn’t be without them and how perfectly you come together as a couple… Or just cum together and get a takeout and Netflix in bed!

Tracy Kiss, Valentines, Friday Sport, Weekend Sport


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